Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
