Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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