Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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