Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
