Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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