So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
