her vagine was all disorganized.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
