I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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