I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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