So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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