no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
