I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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