So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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