My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
