some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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