I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
