im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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