you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
