It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
