im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
