I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
