that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize