i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
