Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
