I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
