Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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