god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
