When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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