Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
