No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
