Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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