Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
