Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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