LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
