I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
