Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
