youre lurking in front of me
Having a random hookup so left but love u
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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