And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just cropdusted the office
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
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his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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