This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
