well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
