Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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