Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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