thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
