sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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