Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
