you win again, gameday.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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