hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
