i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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