I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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