at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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