I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
