good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
