I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
