I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
