So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
