dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he was CRYING into my vagina
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
