My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
