You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
