Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
