dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
