Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
