Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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