Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
