New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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