I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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