we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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