i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize