halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
