Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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