hotel room ftw
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
my poor anus
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
