If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
