1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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