I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
There are leaves in my underwear?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
