It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
