Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
