I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
