the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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