giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
