I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
