I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
