Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
