Screwed.edu
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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