so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
