I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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