i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
