I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
